This Is How You Turn Bad Stress Into Good Stress
Put all that 'Fight or flight' energy to good use. Let me introduce you to 'Tend & Befriend'.
Most of us have grown up believing that too much stress is bad for us. We're told that stress throws us into 'fight or flight' & that's bad for our physical and mental health.
It seems that this isn't always true. Apparently, negative stress can be put to good use.
An increasing amount of research suggests there's more than one automatic stress response. One of these is a powerful alternative that channels all that stress energy into helping others.
Psychologists like to call it 'tend and befriend'.
It's the basis of a fundamental hard-wired human response. You know those stories of people pulling loved ones from burning wreckage? Or the impulse to feed your children first when food is scarce? Or risking life & limb to protect your family from threats? These are ‘tend & befriend’ in action.
It's part of why some trauma survivors dedicate their lives to helping others become survivors too. People with chronic or debilitating health conditions often help out or run charities to benefit others in the same boat.
Fight or flight focusses our efforts inwards, to personal survival. When it's appropriate, this is vital to keep us alive. The problem is, most of our stress isn't life-threatening. It's usually work / family / money / status. There isn't anything to fight or run away from.
Use Tend & Befriend instead of Fight or Flight
It's a mindset thing. By moving your focus outwards, you can switch off fight or flight & switch on 'tend & befriend'.
There's a simple technique you can use to do this.
Choose to do something that helps someone else. It doesn't even need to be in proportion to the stress you’re experiencing. By helping another human being, your mind channels those stress hormones from fight or flight into tend & befriend. It's especially effective when there's no quid-pro-quo.
It’s even powerful enough to alter the types of stress hormones in your body. It shifts them from fuelling instant action (fight or flight) into a mixture that propels you long term. And that’s much better for your physical health.
Not only that, we’re a social animal so acting in an altruistic way, benefitting others, is good for our mental health too. It’s why Random Acts of Kindness are so useful in managing anxiety & depression.
Try it. It works.
(It’s one of the key reasons behind my change of career).
All the best
Tony
What should you do now?
If stress, anxiety or depression is affecting your life, just get in touch & we can chat about how I can help.
I see coaching & therapy clients in Harley Street, London & at my home in Peterborough.
Many clients now opt for the convenience of working with me online. It’s just as effective & cuts out all the travel! (Excellent news for busy people just like you).